It's after 5am, but I had to write tonight. It's super-late and I should be in bed now, but I'm not. I have some stuff that I want to get out. And don't get me wrong, it's not an emo post. Far from it, in fact...

I want to talk about love. Now sure, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking to yourself, Mike, you always talk about dating and relationships and unrequited love. How is this post any different from your usual emo fare. Well, admittedly I have covered much of those topics over the years, but this post is different. It's coming from a different place. For the first time in my life I AM in love and I'm speaking from THAT perspective and I'm happy. I've met the girl of my dreams and I'm anxious to start the "rest of my life." In my mind, it couldn't possibly come sooner. \\

And I guess that the real substance that I hope to express from this post is what love has taught me. This entry isn't about all of the lovey-dovey stuff that love entails. I'm not going to talk about how your heart skips a beat when you're with someone or the longing or yearning that you feel when you're apart (although that's definitely part of love). But rather, I want to talk about real, mature love. What I've realized is that life is all about control and personal strength and a sense of self. But when you really love someone you end up giving more to make them happy. An example is when you're feeling insecure about something relating or pertaining to your significant other. In your own mind you think that you should trust your instincts and stick to what you believe in. But love tells you otherwise. Love tells you, I'm willing to give up that power or essentially go out of my way to make my significant other feel more secure. Even if it's not necessary. I love that person that much that I'm willing to do that for them. I'm willing to go against my own gut to make them happy.

Love is about more than just the warm and fuzzies. It's about the decisions that we make day in and day out to express to our loved ones how much we're willing to make things work. when I wasn't in love with other girls I was so fiercely protective of my freedom and my control over my own life and decisions and actions. But now that I'm in love I put her first. I put her before those decisions and actions and just live in that way. And don't get me wrong, we've had our share of challenges and hardships in our relationship, but we've become stronger through those experiences and to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's just right, it's just right
A millions words never say
The way i truly feel about
The one i just cant live without.

'Cause it's like that, it's like that
The way you move the way you dance.
The way i know the moment when
You need my love, you need my hand

And all i want to do is see you
All i want to do is please you
I'm hypnotized by everything you do
I hope i'm just right for you

And baby i know you're the only one for me.
And its right there on your lips.
And its right there in your kiss.
And baby i know, you're the only air i breathe.
And and its right there on your lips.
And its right there in your kiss.

Just right…..

I take you here, I take you there.
I take your body anywhere.
Baby I work so hard for you,
To make your fantasy come true.
'Cause it's like that, it's like that.
I got your front, I got your back.
We'll take it slow, we'll make it last.
'Cause it's like that, it's like that.

A little bit sweet, a little bit spice.
A little bit naughty, a little bit nice.
Tell me baby that you need me too.
That I'm just right for you.

And baby i know you're the only one for me.
And its right there on your lips.
And its right there in your kiss.
And baby i know, you're the only air i breathe.
And and its right there on your lips.
And its right there in your kiss.

Just right…..

It's like that, it's like that
Just right…...

---Robin Thicke- Jus Right

Lessons I've learned in Life
by-Unknown

I've learned...

...that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

...that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

...that it takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.

...that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you had better know something.

...that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

...that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

...that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

...that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

...that it's taking me long to become the person I want to be.

...that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think, but not always best.

...that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

...that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

...that that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

...that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

...that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades so there had better be something else to take its place.

...that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

...that learning to forgive takes practice.

...that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

...that money is a lousy way to keep score.

...that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

...that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

...that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

...that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.*

...that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all that they have.

...that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences that you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthday's you've celebrated.

...that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.

...that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funy, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.

...that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

...that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

...that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

...that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean that they do.

...that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

...that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

...that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

...that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

...that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

...that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

...that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

...that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

...that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get further in life.

...that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

...that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at times when you need them most.

...that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

...that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

...that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

...that the paradigm we live in is NOT all that is offered to us.

...that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

...that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.*

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

...that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting peoples' feelings and standing up for what you believe in.

...that no matter how fast or how far you go, you can't outrun your problems, or God.

...that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person.

...that even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason, it's still the wrong thing to do.

i know, at this moment, exactly what i want out of life...now it's just a matter of following through...

**I started writing this entry in November & just now completed/posted it...fyi!!!**


I haven't updated in a while...i know, i know...i've been bad about this.

But I did just recently celebrate my birthday and I ALWAYS feel compelled to write at or around a b'day. I guess I tend to reflectively look inward when I get a year older. Today isn't any different.

I still love to write, but I think that nowadays I'm so chill, so mellow. I'm so easy-going and casual that I don't experience the extreme highs and lows that I once did. And consequently, there's a void where there used to be those things that cause or create drama or tension in life, and thus I lack the content needed to make some of those entries interesting. But I'm ok with that. One could argue that by taking yourself out of those intense experiences (or out of harm's way) you're also taking yourself out of the game; that you can't experience real, tangible happiness by standing on the sidelines. While there's merit to that viewpoint, sometimes it's good to take less serious things less seriously. There's value to making incremental progress and to acting prudently or judiciously. I don't know...

I guess I could write about other peoples' drama, but that's not really my style. I like to express things that have a profound affect on me, but let's face it, the old bullshit just doesn't get to me like it used to.

But that being said, we learn a lot from our experiences and I've had my share of experiences that i feel are worth sharing.

it has been an interesting year. i've met some wonderful ppl, strengthened existing friendships, grew apart from others, lost a friend to illness (suddenly),and faced different challenges. And although I still have my own flaws, weaknesses and insecurities, I feel like I've grown up a lot the past year or two. And I'm starting to really feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm mature enough to act accordingly, but not so mature that I forgot how to have fun.


So here's to 2010. May it be better and more prosperous than 2009...

Cheers...



London trip details coming soon!

Ok so it's 330. WTF am I doing still awake? I have no idea...

My sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up these days. I have (a little more) free time than I did over the first 2 months of the summer, but I've found that I'm more sluggish/lazy these past 2 weeks. I know that it's in my best interest to recharge as much as possible, but that just doesn't seem to be the case.

On the other hand, I've been having too much fun/partying too hard the past few weeks. I have self-control so I know that it won't become a habit or anything, but I sort of feel like a bum for having been that way. I guess if anything it's best to just get all of that out of my system so that I can refocus. I need to cut back on the going out...

I guess another reason why I'm writing is because I have stuff on my mind, but haven't really had the right opportunities to let that stuff out. I HATE reaching out to ppl, despite having a good circle of friends around me. I guess I just feel a bit misunderstood by them. Don't get me wrong, some of them are and can be great listeners. But I just feel like often times they just don't get it. I really want to be able to converse with someone who I can relate to about stuff that is on my mind. Seems like THOSE ppl have too much on their respective plates to really vibe with. Others, despite meaning well, don't really understand me so while I appreciate their listening to me and their counsel, we rarely get anywhere. And others, despite having good intentions, are just plain out of touch.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know that I have a lot of positive things going for me, a wonderful group of ppl around me who want me to be happy, and I am blessed. But I guess I'm feeling like everyone reaches out to me to vent or for advice or to be a good listener or to be their wingman. But I don't get the same when I need it. And I'll admit that part of it is me. I have a tough time reaching out to ppl. I like being the leader, being independent, being the problem-solver. But I also understand that my friends aren't mind-readers and if I need them, that's what they're there for. It's just tough sometimes. I don't want to be a nuisance, and I don't want to constantly repeat myself and beat a dead horse, but that's how I figure things out. Especially when I'm confused. I reflect and sometimes through reflection you change your mind and you go back and forth, weighing the pros and cons.

Of course my confusion is about a girl. It's always about a girl. I've tried my hardest to make girls lower on my list of priorities, but they find a way to creep back up to the top. lol. i was pretty annoyed with things a few hours ago, but have since been able to kinda of cool out and relax a bit.

I've been going back and forth with this situation for far too long. I really need to figure things out, step up or make a clean break, and get some closure so that I can be myself again.

we'll see...

So I know that on my last entry I stated that my LJ was coming to an end...well, I guess I couldn't stay away from it. haha

well, that's not entirely true. Truth is, I DID start up a new blog. It's on wordpress. I just haven't updated it yet. With 40+ hours of work each week, my awful commute, 8 hours of class, not to mention reading, homework & paper-writing for my 2 classes...let's just say that I didn't really have much time over the past few months to write for recreational purposes, nor be inspired to write. I used all of my creative "writing juice" in my papers. And I've had to write several over the past 2 months, that's for sure.

...But it wasn't all work and no play. I'm not trying to intimate that I was slaving at work and school all day. I managed to get some "fun" in too. Mainly on weekends, sure, but fun nonetheless...

I wish I could make a list like I did on my previous entry. It would be nice to look back and sort of recap the events that have taken place since June 14th. Where did July go? I don't even remember...

The only events that really stand out in my mind:

B'ballin'
Temple
BBQ at Bach's
More Recording
Anniversary Sale/Shopping Spree
Red Sox v. Nats (attendance record!)
July 4th @ Chuck & Joe's (biting incident)
Sean's baby shower & the after party @ Kim's
joining Twitter
Cafe Asia (running into Ying & Eddie)
Gelek's b'day @ Zaytina & Muse
4 on 4 Beer pong (round 2) at Jenn's new place
Random trip to the Park (Angel breaking it down & "" getting dry humped against the wall, whaaat?)
iphone 3g
Uptown & Lunching
Club Hopping...Midtown & the new Spot
BBQ/Crab Feast
UFC


Not bad for a list. I feel like there's more to the story, but it has been one of those summers...

no complaints though. i'm happy. i think that life has been eventful to the point where I haven't been able to
think too much or get too emo about anything. ha.

but over the next few weeks i'll have my chance to think about things and reflect (and hopefully write more) as I recharge my batteries for the upcoming Fall. Man, it's disconcerting to me that July was such a blur. I never really had a chance to live it up. I'm sure the free time will allow lots of party hardy, but also, it'll allow me to tackle all of the other thoughts in my head, i'm sure...I guess that is what August is for...

stay tuned :)

so i should be working on something...but i wanted to drop a line on LJ before getting back.

the past few weeks have been exhilarating. work is good. school is amazing. life is good. things just seem to have to fallen into place and i'm personally in a good place right now. i feel more inspired and i'm just generally happier. not that i was sad per se the past few months, but i think that embarking on new goals and new opportunities has injected a new energy in me. i'm just very optimistic about this summer and beyond. i can't wait.

i'm in a great place with family and with friendships. i've met some tremendous ppl in the past few months and spent quality time with some special ppl too. i've reconnected with old friends and i'm happily single (but mingling) with no drama to report.

i don't have the time to get into the details, but i'll include a little list of things that have been fun as of late. old school style...and in no particular order

The Red Sox sweeping the Yankees and being undefeated against them so far this year :)
Bach's b'day at Honey Pig
Bach's b'day at RFD
Jina's surprise visit
Dragon Boat Festival (Fire on Water) & winning medals
My cousin from Cali's visit and the 3 day weekend
New York for a day and all of the subsequent shenanigans
Onree's grad party
Granville Moore's
Ray's Hell Burger
Grey's Papaya
White Castle
Tam's BBQ
My parents' wedding anniversary
Star Trek & Drinks
shopping
the Hangover
Recording Music
Gardening Project
4 on 4 Beer Pong at Jenn's
Bball & the NBA Finals
late night/early evening calls from Korea
Movies with my doggie
Happy Hour @ Cafe Asia
IHop trips
good ppl.
...


So I've decided to start a new blog. I'm not abandoning this one entirely, but I just think that in the spirit of newness i want to go in a different direction and start up something fresh. i'll keep this one up and running and on occasion update it, check back and write in it. and of course once i get it set up i'll post the link here. it's on wordpress, but i'm still tinkering with my handle and title name.

it has been a great run with LJ and i was definitely have a fondness for this journal, its content and the memories. and not the mention the connections and subsequent pen pals that have come from it.

so this isn't a goodbye just a heads up. who knows, i'll probably just come back to it again. we'll see.

the circle of life i guess.

much love ^^

“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.”

So it has been forever and a day since my last post. OK so late March to be exact. But I promised myself that I'd be better at maintaining this thing. Perhaps I should start a Twitter. It would be like updating my facebook status periodically in a blog-like fashion. Hmmm. Who knows. I'm actually doing my best (somewhat successfully, in fact) to stay away from internet things for a while. I'm limited my facebook time and gchat time tremendously, while at work and in the evenings. I'm tried to read more and spend my time doing other things. I'm not a big tv person as it is. I'm usually watch sporting events/ESPN or the news if the tv is on. I only have 1 or 2 shows that I follow religiously.

So I've been reading a lot lately. An ex girlfriend of mine sent me a book that she thought that I'd like so I HAD to read it. Well, I've read about 350 of the 500+ pages. It's pretty interesting. I can't/won't disclose the title (*evil grin) until I've completed it, digested it and have something to say about it. But overall it is a good feeling to use time more productively I guess. And I like going back to reading for recreation. I started that last summer and did pretty well with it through the fall, but once my Spanish class got intense I kind of abandoned that hobby. It's nice to get back into it again.

The month of May has been quite busy and eventful thus far and it's only going to pick up the rest of the way.

*B'day parties & mother's day this weekend and rowing practice.

*Dragon Boat Festival next weekend (Saturday & Sunday)

*Cousin coming to town & Holiday weekend (Possibly NYC?)

*Parent's Anniversary


Life can be so unpredictable. It's so easy to pick apart and analyze when you're on the sidelines observing. But when you're in the game, invested in it and the variables are in play, it's different.

It's getting late. I'll leave it at that for now...

Till next time.

So it's pretty super late...??? am and I'm online posting. Weird. It has been forever since I've done one of these. I've been meaning to update for a while now, but haven't had the right kind of inspiration. But I miss it. I miss writing in this and talking about all of the fun shenanigans that have transpired in my world that weekend, or week or month or ongoing/in my head. lol

And don't get it twisted. This isn't an "emo" post. I've taken some down-time over the past few months (when life gets quiet, like driving home or walking my dog) to reflect on 2008 and the best one word description of it would be: inaction.

Now don't get me wrong. 2008 was GREAT and MEMORABLE in many ways. It had its ups and downs. I made a few very good friends in the fall of 2007 and those friendships have only steadily improved and gotten better over the course of 2008 to present. Some close friends are now closer friends, others have faded away. My mom got sick (again), but she also got better and that process reminded me how precious life and family are. I've gotten closer with my family and have really established myself as a responsible, (mostly) independent adult in their eyes. Also, I know where I stand with MOST of the people in my life and I'm comfortable with that knowledge. I'm also comfortable with the past and all of the ups and downs, the successes, the failures and missteps and misfortune. I've made peace with the past. I managed to avoid any major conflict, shakeup or dramatic episode while maintaining my honesty and being true to my own opinions about things. Well I did have a conflict in one major friendship. (But quick update on that, things are much better/healthier because of that conflict and the subsequent discussions afterwards. i'm ecstatic about our present-day friendship) And the big thing (to me) is that I truly now understand what it means to be a good friend. In fact, several people, over the course of the year, confided in me on a number of things that were important to them. It was nice to have that type of trust placed on me.

And all of this, in my eyes, represents progress and growth. But interestingly enough, I was able to get to this progress by making some serious changes from years past, sometimes even going against my own nature.

For the past few years I've been really mellow and very even-keeled, a far cry from the Mike of the past. And you know what? I've been pretty happy. I've had some ups and downs (like everyone), but for the most part I've stayed in the middle. I've observed things and people around me and took the time to understand things better.

I took myself out of the game.

and I needed to. And it was the best move I could possibly make. I learned a ton about myself and learned how to be independent, self-sufficient, comfortable...comfortable being myself. and comfortable being single too.

Whenever I encountered a girl that I saw real potential in (over the past couple of years), I ran like hell. haha. but again, I needed to. I needed to get myself right before being a part of a real relationship. I needed to evolve, reflect, and improve. I needed to explore my own passions, I needed to read, to write, "re-prioritize," to think hard about career and future and goals and dreams. My old approach was JUST THAT. OLD. I had become one-dimensional and predictable. I had always been girl-crazy. I needed to take myself out of the game.

So I dated a smattering of girls (over the past few years) with obvious expiration dates. (I didn't want to be totally out of touch :) ).

Now the main lessons that I learned are:

1) People have a difficult time letting go of their past. Past memories (not even the fondest ones) are held so dear by some that it causes them to do extraordinary and amazing things. And I don't use the words "extraordinary" or "amazing" in a favorable or positive way.

People (sometimes) maintain friendships/relationships with people that they dislike (or those that dislike them) just so they can hold onto the past. we all do it. it happens, but i wonder why that is. why do we try so hard to hold onto the past? i'm not saying that we should turn our backs on the past completely, but why not leave the past in the past? it's ok to revisit it every now and then, but life's too short to dwell on the past.

2) Relationships of any kind (romantic, friendship, etc.) are predicated on tolerance. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still the hopeless romantic that you know and love. ha. but let's face it. Our relationships are driven by 3 needs...loyalty, companionship and intimacy. obviously the levels of those needs vary depending on the particular relationship or the person(s), but those three things are things that we need. and it becomes a matter of "willingness to put of with someone's _____," that drives the relationship. we learn to deal with things that we dislike in others in order to achieve these 3 needs.

3) One of the things that I realized from taking myself out of the game was that I had lost touch. And because I lost touch I was too hard on people and not sensitive enough to their feelings. When you're an observer you're not invested emotionally in things and that's a big variable to overlook. Once I made myself open to feel genuine feelings again (like when I let my guard down, somewhat recently, and found myself truly caring about a new girl...more on that later...heh) I truly realized that I was out of touch.

But I needed that whole process to make sense of everything. And I feel good about it. I see things now that I overlooked in the past, I'm more sensitive to people and more aware of things. And I'm in a good place. :)

Ok, to lighten things up...Weekend recap!!!

Well, nothing too crazy. Thursday had wings and beer and dessert and watched NCAA games @ the Wing Factory. Friday was more of the same. Drank, had appetizers/bar food at Fridays and watched more NCAA games. Saturday, Drank, played some beer pong and watched (you guessed it) NCAA games and also Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Upcoming events...A few birthdays coming up. Christian's (throwing a partay), my mother's (throwing a partay), Pilar's b'day (TBD). Sean's wedding, April 25th. I'm a best man. exciting stuff!

Things are good. Life is short.

I'll leave you with quotes from 2 of my faves.



Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -- Gandhi


It is not length of life, but depth of life. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson